It has been a windy day; not exactly a beach day. I have been very tired the last couple weeks and enjoy a day at home. I was able to reorganize the kitchen while the babes were out with Neemias at worship practice. It’s amazing how organizing can make you feel at peace. Since I was a child I have liked putting things in order. I remember as a teen letting my room get messy so that I could put it back together. I still like organizing, but honestly wish my babes and husband were a bit more mindful of their own messes!

Finding the balance between being a wife, mother, friend and teacher is not a simple task. I want to be all that I can be to everyone and everything but I’m finding it challenging at the moment. I tell myself that I have no excuse, that if others can do it so must I. Yet through counseling I am finding that it’s alright to let some things go. It’s alright to spend time taking care of myself, especially since I have been given some tough circumstances to work through. Since my parents died I have been constantly focused on dealing with things regarding their passing and soon after with preparations to move to Saipan. I didn’t give myself the time to unwind and truly grieve. The difficulties and pain I have been going through lately are exactly because I haven’t given myself the chance to truly grieve.

Days like today may not be exciting, but they are necessary. I need to let my mind be at peace. I need to be able to think about only my family and myself. It seems selfish, but how can I help others if I can’t take care of myself?

God chose this journey for me. It’s not the one I would have chosen for myself, but for some reason He thinks I can not only get through this, but that I can jump over all the obstacles along my path that keep trying to make me fall. This is why I read. This is why I pray. I need to equip myself with the right tools in order to be victorious in this life.

I’m glad that God brought us to this tiny island; it’s the perfect place for reflection. He provides for our every need. I don’t know why this always surprises me, as by now I should be accustomed to it!

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